emo-ing mode
Why am I always to one who get hurt?
I have many stories which I doesn't want to share with many people although I couldn't carry it alone. But I have too, simply because I doesn't want everybody to know my 'the other side'.
I am constantly being tortured by loneliness. Kenny says I'm lucky because I'm in Malaysia and have plenty of chance to find my cure, but Kenny, although I had the chanceSS, I dont really have the luckSSS. And I feel my condition is worse than you because those cures are right in front of me, but I couldn't grab it, because when I tried hard to get it, at the end, they say they are not mine to own. It's torturous. =(
When I was a teenager, I wasted all my time on having fun with friends. I did not regret about that because my life back then was like, never once failed to laugh till tears came out.
When I grown up, all my friends started to walk their own route. Here comes Loneliness.
There is cure but it is not a good thing either. Efforts have to poured, time have to be sacrificed. If you succeed in getting it, you will be cured, else you will be tortured faaar worse Loneliness.
I think it was during that time when I first had my drunk experience which is not long ago that I started to find an alternative to ease my agony.
Almost every time I drank eventhough it was just a can, I felt much happier and will forget most of my super-sad experience.
Almost every time I drank eventhough it was just a can, I smile and start talking nonsense which made everyone around me have a good time.
Almost every time I drank eventhough it was just a can, I let myself controlled by the sinful drug and it ease the pain in me.
Almost every time i drank eventhough it was just a can, Loneliness, you are gone.
And that is why I love you so much, alcohol.
I don't understand why everybody tried to stop me from drinking despite it's only a can. Why cant they understand that I really need it because I'm feeling pain? Besides, a can wont be that harmful, will it?
Most guys will accompany me in this drinking matter.
But all girls will keep stopping me. If you really care for me, why not you be my cure and end my Loneliness for good?
My experience made me afraid of loving anyone anything anymore. I dont even love my body now.
If I get to spar during taekwondo training, I fight with all my heart. Either to injure my opponent, or he injures me.
If I get to workout, I wont let my body rest, and torture it until it cant continue despite that it was painful sometimes.
If I get to drink, I wished so much to drink a whole bottle of chivas in one gulp to burn away my liver, kidney, and all the organs in my body. But of course, I'm still sane, I did not do that.
Anyhow, I know that I couldn't give up because I cannot depend on alcohol for my whole life. I will not give up until I find the cure.
But when there is times that I really need to drink, please understand that I really needs it because I couldn't bare those feeling anymore. You couldn't help me, my mum couldn't help me, no one can help me. So please,
Dont stop me from drinking, for now.
Why am I always to one who get hurt?
I have many stories which I doesn't want to share with many people although I couldn't carry it alone. But I have too, simply because I doesn't want everybody to know my 'the other side'.
I am constantly being tortured by loneliness. Kenny says I'm lucky because I'm in Malaysia and have plenty of chance to find my cure, but Kenny, although I had the chanceSS, I dont really have the luckSSS. And I feel my condition is worse than you because those cures are right in front of me, but I couldn't grab it, because when I tried hard to get it, at the end, they say they are not mine to own. It's torturous. =(
When I was a teenager, I wasted all my time on having fun with friends. I did not regret about that because my life back then was like, never once failed to laugh till tears came out.
When I grown up, all my friends started to walk their own route. Here comes Loneliness.
There is cure but it is not a good thing either. Efforts have to poured, time have to be sacrificed. If you succeed in getting it, you will be cured, else you will be tortured faaar worse Loneliness.
I think it was during that time when I first had my drunk experience which is not long ago that I started to find an alternative to ease my agony.
Almost every time I drank eventhough it was just a can, I felt much happier and will forget most of my super-sad experience.
Almost every time I drank eventhough it was just a can, I smile and start talking nonsense which made everyone around me have a good time.
Almost every time I drank eventhough it was just a can, I let myself controlled by the sinful drug and it ease the pain in me.
Almost every time i drank eventhough it was just a can, Loneliness, you are gone.
And that is why I love you so much, alcohol.
I don't understand why everybody tried to stop me from drinking despite it's only a can. Why cant they understand that I really need it because I'm feeling pain? Besides, a can wont be that harmful, will it?
Most guys will accompany me in this drinking matter.
But all girls will keep stopping me. If you really care for me, why not you be my cure and end my Loneliness for good?
My experience made me afraid of loving anyone anything anymore. I dont even love my body now.
If I get to spar during taekwondo training, I fight with all my heart. Either to injure my opponent, or he injures me.
If I get to workout, I wont let my body rest, and torture it until it cant continue despite that it was painful sometimes.
If I get to drink, I wished so much to drink a whole bottle of chivas in one gulp to burn away my liver, kidney, and all the organs in my body. But of course, I'm still sane, I did not do that.
Anyhow, I know that I couldn't give up because I cannot depend on alcohol for my whole life. I will not give up until I find the cure.
But when there is times that I really need to drink, please understand that I really needs it because I couldn't bare those feeling anymore. You couldn't help me, my mum couldn't help me, no one can help me. So please,
Dont stop me from drinking, for now.
And, if possible, drink with me, or buy me some ;)
4 comments:
I think the greatest moments I had in my life was my secondary school time.
So called "badminton, basketball, pingpong, and also another sport called CS and HL."
I have the most laughters and the best time of my life, so far, at STAR. When i go up to higher level of education, I see my network got bigger. People likes me because of what I am capable of doing, and they are taking advantage on me.
I feel really lonely during my uni years. and i just remembered that, i used to go circles99 that time. i guess it's dead by now.
All I can say is that, we all have to learn to "let it go" at the right time. It is easier said than done but I have just done it lately. So, don't tell me it can't be done. LEARN to let it go.
Last but not least, you guys are my best frens and, DON'T DRINK when it's the wrong time to drink.
Good day and smile! =)
i want join u!! ^^
KWL, u siao liao, if u 1day kena alchohol drugs, tat time really no ppl can help u, then u will be 社会败类.. rubbish.. if u keep wan something to come, it wont come. be natural, it will come to u when it is time, understand?
everytime u fall it hurt.
but in some way they make u stroger..
and start appreciate what do u hv.
if u don wish to share, of cz u need to carry it along.
(cz of ur own choices.)
i blif there r some fren who reali willing to share v u...
when u share it out. It may not cz any changes. but the effect should b better than ur alcohol..
not only can ease ur pain. but the feeling of being udstd. n u got thier supprt.
another thgs:support kenny.
Learn to "Let it go."
If not u wil b Hard to move on.
I may not the 1 who u wanna share it. But, if u willing. I'm here.
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